


Somewhere out there

by Applesaucedip



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Anorexia, Anxiety, Bulimia, Cutting, Depression, Eating Disorders, Hospitalization, M/M, Oral Sex, Self-Harm, Social Anxiety, blowjob
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-19
Updated: 2020-04-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:07:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23728786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Applesaucedip/pseuds/Applesaucedip
Summary: Kenma struggles with anxiety, depression, self harm and eating disorders. When Bokuto and Kuroo weasel their way into his life he falls for Kuroo.I’m bad at summaries ._.
Relationships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou
Comments: 2
Kudos: 114





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> CONTENT WARNING IN TAGS DONT READ IF TRIGGERING. 
> 
> I am in NO way romanticizing anything portrayed in this story. These are basically my vents and thoughts in place of Kenma.

The cars drove by Kenma quickly as he walked along the sidewalk. His backpack hung low on his back from the textbooks weighing it down. He could feel the blister on the heel of his right foot rubbing against his shoe uncomfortably but he didn’t have a bandaid on him so he sucked it up and made a mental note to clean his possible bloody sock by the end of the day. His earphones were playing some instrumental melody, a sound track from one of his favourite video games. The notes bring his mind to the calmness he felt while playing, the euphoria and freedom he could have in the game he felt he couldn’t find elsewhere. His head hung low staring at the sidewalk, two steps in one square of the sidewalk, three in the next. Two steps, three steps. He walked for five more minutes before he saw his high school up head. The sign read Nekoma Highschool, his fellow classmates all chattering to each other as they walked into the building, not knowing what their day of learning would entail. 

He walked through the hall head down as usual before he reached his locker. His locker neighbour and classmate Kuroo nodded at him with a small smile before heading off to their shared first class. Kenma didn’t return a smile, just a nod as usual. The two rarely spoke much, but Kenma would be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy the small conversations they’ve shared briefly before, though he would never admit it. 

Making friends was hard for Kenma. He was diagnosed with social anxiety, and high functioning depression at around age thirteen. He didn’t really think much of it at the time thinking that’s just who he was, a sad loner. He never understood how he pushed people away, isolating himself to be alone. He loved attention but it was hard to get when even thinking about talking to new people made his heart race, hands shake and build up with sweat. He hated himself for the way his body reacted. He knew consciously that it is good to make friends, but the unconscious thoughts of abandonment and feeling like he wouldn’t be a good enough friend ate him up from the inside. 

He walked to his first class where he saw Kuroo and his best friend Bokuto were bantering in the back of the class. He sighed enviously before sitting in the middle row with his headphones in, still loud enough to block out the noise of students filling the class. Unfortunately the music couldn’t tune out the way his stomach yearned for something to eat. He placed a hand on his stomach and applied pressure, hoping to make the hunger pains fade ever so slightly. It didn’t work. He opened his text book and note book hoping to divert his attention from the lack of nutrients and started jotting down notes from the textbook until the teacher arrived. 

After his first class they had ten minutes to get to their next class. Luckily his next class room was close enough to give him time to sneak out of the school and hide behind a wall to smoke his first cigarette of the day, hoping it would curve his hunger until lunch in a few hours. As he was finishing his cigarette he heard laughing from the door he snuck out of. The laugh which was vaguely familiar and loud,Bokuto. He notes as he peeked his head around the wall to see Kuroo and Bokuto. 

“Dude watch this, I've been practicing my spikes,” Bokuto tossed a volleyball to Kuroo who raised his eyebrows with a smirk and tossed the ball high enough for Bokuto to run up and spike it as hard as he could against the building. 

“Okay damn not too shabby Boku,” Kuroo said with an impressed gaze. Bokuto did a curtsy before shoving the volleyball back into his backpack, “we should get to class,” he said, checking his watch. 

“Sure thing man, we should pepper after school,” Bokuto said wiggling his eyebrows. Kenma furrowed his eyebrows as he listened in on their conversation, unaware of what on earth they were even talking about. Kuroo nodded as he held the door open for the boy as they walked back inside. Kenma was caught up in eavesdropping on the conversation he nearly forgot about the cigarette he held in between his fingers. It reached his hand and he dropped it with a little hiss and stomped on it before he picked up his backpack from the ground and walked towards the door.

As lunch came around Kenma sat at his normal table by himself with a notebook open. He dug through his bag and picked out his apple before noting the date and wrote ‘apple’ with the caloric information based on the weight of it which he measured before school. He began eating the apple as he flipped to the back of his notebook and started doodling a rough sketch of his favourite character from the game he was playing last night. Unlike his usual lunch time break he noticed Kuroo and Bokuto sitting across from him. His eyes widened slightly as his throat felt like it was closing up. He didn’t look up despite knowing the two knew he could feel their presence. Kuroo tapped the table slightly above the notebook Kenma was staring at blankly. Kenma let out a shaky breath before slightly raising his head and taking out one of his earbuds. He looked back and forth between the two men infront of him feeling as if they were cornering him, he was intimidated. 

“Hey Kenma,” Kuroo said softly, hoping to ease the obvious tension in the air. Kenma nodded out of respect avoiding eye contact at all costs. He felt his face heat up as he hoped the blush wasn’t visible enough to them. 

“Hi! I’m Bokuto ,” he announced cheerfully causing Kenma to tense his shoulders. 

“Hi,” he whispered barely audible to the human ear. 

“Sorry to intrude on your quiet time, you just kinda looked a bit lonely and Kuroo wanted to come talk to you,” Kenma looked to Kuroo who attempted to discreetly nudge Bokuto who then spoke again, “Oh! I did too, I mean I have been wanting to but Kuroo finally got the courage too,” 

Kuroo looked at Bokuto with a look of annoyance. Kenma held back a smile, “oh,” he said looking down at his drawing. 

“If you don’t want us to stay here we can leave. I hope we didn’t make you uncomfortable or anything!” Kuroo butted in noticing the unease exuding from the quiet boy. 

“I don’t mind,” Kenma said, though not entirely meaning it. 

“Yay! Whatcha drawing?” Bokuto motioned to the light outlines on the page. 

“Oh, nothing,” Kenma felt his hands start to sweat slightly as he closed the notebook and placed his half eaten apple on the table. 

Silence filled the air and Kenma felt the need to flee, get out of the situation. He wanted to bang his head against the wall, why does he always make things so awkward. They’re never going to want to speak to him ever again. He wrapped his arms around himself wanting to feel small wanting to disappear from their line of view. 

“So,” Bokuto filled the awkward silence, “do you play any sports, Kenma?” He was kind of taken aback from the question, does he look like someone who played sports or was he just trying to ease the tension? He shook his head no, not trusting his vocal chords to create the proper response, “Ah that’s too bad, Kuroo and I are on the volleyball team! You should join, we need more players this year!” Kuroo nodded his head smiling softly at Kenma. 

“I don’t know how-“

“We could teach you! It’s so much fun! You don’t have to be an all star or anything our team is just the rec league here, just for fun! No pressure or anything too competitive! Though Kuroo here gets a bit heated often during games but that’s just a him problem” 

“I'm not sure…” Kenma trailed off. He thought about his self harm cuts on his arm. That would definitely hurt. His mind wanders to the possibility of actually gaining some friends that aren’t just over the internet but also to the fact of them using him to make a team and then making fun of him for how bad he will likely be. 

“Well do you want to exchange phone numbers? You can think about it and let us know if you might be interested,” Kuroo said kindly. Kenma shrugged, “do you mind if I write it down?” Kenma unlocked his phone and passed it to the black haired man wordlessly allowing him to enter his contact information. 

When the phone was returned he noticed Kuroo had texted himself. Kenma muttered a small okay before locking his phone and putting it in his pocket. 

A few days after the encounter, Kuroo texted him as he sat down doing his homework. 

Kuroo: Hey Kenma! 

Kenma stares at the screen, his stomach flipping slightly that he actually took his time out of his day to text a nobody like himself. 

Kenma: Hi

Kuroo: what are you up to?

Kenma looked back at his homework that was on his desk and sighed. He wasn’t feeling enough motivation to do any work. All he wanted to do was sit on his bed on his phone. 

Kenma: Homework. You? 

Kuroo: Ah, I'm walking around by myself. I wanted to text you. 

Kenma: why? 

Kuroo: nothing specific, I just want to be friends with you. 

Kenma held back a smile not expecting that reply. It made him feel funny. Kenma knew he was bisexual for several years now. He always wanted a boyfriend and he won’t lie and say he hasn’t had fantasies over dating Kuroo. He was attractive and seemed very nice and gentle. Though he didn’t know much about the boy other than the few conversations they had which were far from personal talks or anything. His mind started to wonder, imagining holding the boy's hand in his smaller one. His stomach flipped and his face started to flush with the thought of kissing him. 

Kenma: Oh

He replied immediately regretting sending the message. He knew how it probably sounded passive as if he didn’t return the feeling though he really did want to be friends. 

Kuroo: yeah. I know it seems hard for you to talk to new people. But maybe texting would be easier to break the ice? 

Kenmas heart started racing. It was really thoughtful of Kuroo. 

Kuroo: I think your hair is really dope, when did you dye it? 

Kenma: A few years back, I like it so I keep re dyeing it 

Kuroo: Do you do it yourself? 

The conversation went on for most of the night, Kuroo asking questions and Kenma answering returning the questions back to him. 

Over a few weeks they had been getting closer, texting almost everyday and hanging out at school. Kenma would feel like a sore thumb when he hung out with Kuroo and Bokuto but they always tried their best to engage Kenma in the conversations. Which he greatly appreciated. 

During lunch one day the topic of eating came up. Kenma felt his heart race, he hated talking about food. 

“Kenma, I’ve only ever seen you eat like one thing at most during lunch. No wonder you’re so skinny,” Bokuto said while eating his full course meal across from him. Kenma looked down at the banana he held tightly in his hand. Only a few bites had been taken but the mention of food made him uneasy. The urge to walk to the garbage and toss the half eaten banana out was so strong. 

Kuroo hummed in agreement, “if you’re ever low on food or anything I could bring you whatever you want from home. You need food in your system,” 

Kenma nodded uneasily, “I don’t have a big appetite,” he shrugged. Bokuto looked at him a little suspiciously but shrugged and chowed down the rest of his food. 

“Have you thought about playing volleyball with us?” Kuroo asked, changing the subject. Kenma hesitated thinking about the cuts and scars littered across his forearms, “how about we hang out after school today and we pass the ball around. No pressure, just fun?” Kenma nodded slightly, he could try? 

Bokuto clapped in excitement. 

When the end of the day came all three of them headed to the field at the back of the school. Bokuto and Kuroo took off their jackets leaving them in short sleeved shirts. Kenma stared at Kuroos arms, smooth, scarless. He looked to Bokuto where he was surprised to actually see a few scars. They didn’t look like accidents, they definitely looked like old self harm scars. Kenma never would have expected it, Bokuto used to self harm? He always seemed so carefree and happy. Though he knew not everyone who was depressed looked unhappy all the time, especially in front of other people. He must’ve been staring for too long because Bokuto caught him looking and his aura shifted, “Oh, sorry if they caught you off guard. We’re close enough for me to feel comfortable enough to share. I used to cut myself a few years back after my mother died. I don’t anymore. It was dumb I don’t know why I did it,” he chuckled. 

It was dumb. Those words stuck out like a sore thumb to Kenma. Sure he knew it was but hearing other people say it out loud hit too close to home. He was dumb. Dumb for liking the pain, dumb for still doing it past five years. Normally people do it for a year maybe too and grow out of it, like a phase. But not him. He does it more than ever. 

Kuroo served the ball the held at Bokuto who turned just in time to get it right in the face, “Fucking rude,” he yelled running after the boy. Kenma stood still not really knowing what to do with himself. Does he just wait for them to pass him the ball or something? 

“Okay okay! Let’s teach Kenma!” Kuroo laughed, pushing Bokuto away. They both stood in front of Kenma, “okay what do you know about volleyball?” Kenma explained that he knew as much as was taught in gym class.

“So you know the basics?” Kenma nodded, “let’s see,” before Kenma could reject, the ball was coming at him and he panicked and caught it. “Okay so that’s an illegal move,” Kuroo laughed. 

“I panicked,” he muttered and tossed it back to Kuroo. 

Bokuto smiled and turned towards Kuroo, backed up a few strides and called for the ball, “Watch us pepper for a bit!” Kenma raised his eyebrows before shrugging and sitting down on the grass looking up at the taller boys. Kuroo tossed the ball to Bokuto who set it up high for Kuroo who spiked it down. Bokuto got under the ball bumping it back towards the black haired boy who then returned the set. Bokuto spiked the ball as hard as he could and Kuroo rolled his eyes, not caring enough to retrieve it and allowed Bokuto to have his moment to shine. He cheered and jumped happily and Kenma smiled very lightly. 

Kenma stood up, he felt a slight boost of confidence seeing Kuroos smile, “Just try bumping it back to me okay?” Kenma nodded and held it hands together in front of him. Waiting for Kuroo to toss him the ball. 

They bumped it back and forth for a bit letting Kenma get the hang of the feeling and focus on his own technique while Bokuto was standing beside him observing his body. “You’re swinging your arms a lot Kenma, try lowering your body and pushing up with your knees,” he said motioning what he was trying to explain. Kenma hesitantly attempted the suggestions which were already making more controlled passes. “Yes! Oh wow a natural!” Bokuto exclaimed jumping on Kenma who felt very uncomfortable with the loudness and praise. 

“Let’s call it a day! Your arms must be pretty sore since they’re not used to it!” Kuroo motioned to his arms. Kenmas eyes widened and looked down at his arms hoping that no blood was sleeping through his sweater he was wearing. Luckily there was nothing and he let out a gasp and nodded. He felt the throb on his arms along the uncomfortable wet feeling of the blood that must’ve been coming from his cuts. Bokuto and Kenma nodded. 

Bokuto grabbed the ball and shoved it in his backpack before picking his jacket up and throwing it on. He slung his arm around Kuroos neck and sighed happily. Kenma walked quietly beside Kuroo. All three of them head down the same side walk knowing they live down the same way for a while before splitting their own way. As they were walking Kuroo turned to Bokuto, “How goes your crush?” 

Bokuto hit him, “Shut up, Kuroo,” his face suddenly turning serious. Kuroo was taken aback wondering why he was getting so worked up, “I told you I don’t want to talk about it in any more detail,” he rolled his eyes. 

Kuroo turned to Kenma who was confused but not interrupting the conversation, “He has a crush on someone who’s, quote, ‘beautiful, amazing, talented, showstopping, incredible, mysterious and sexy as hell’ but won’t tell me anything else,” Kuroo rolled his eyes, “He’s supposed to be my best friend, but he won’t tell me anything about this mysterious girl,” he chuckled, “maybe it’s my mom and he doesn’t want me to know,” Kenma raised his eyebrows and nodded. 

“Maybe it’s you and he doesn’t want you to know,” Kenma suggested awkwardly. Kuroo and Bokuto stopped in their tracks making Kenma panic. Are they homophobic? Shit he didn’t even think about it before he said it. This is why he usually thinks before he speaks god why is he so dumb. Kenma turned around and looked at the two. 

“Well, do you?” Kuroo asked Bokuto, whose face was beet red, “I wouldn’t care if you did bro. I love you like a brother so I would have to turn you down but it’s cool if you’re gay or whatever,” Kenma looked at Bokuto expectantly since he’s been quite for longer than usual. 

“What I- no, I don’t like you- gross,” Kenma felt uneasy, gross? “Wait no, Not that gay is gross!” Kuroo smirked, “Okay give me a second to process,” Kuroo walked next to Kenma and turned to face Bokuto who was visibly embarrassed and flushed. “Okay so,” he let out a shaky breath. Kenma has never seen Bokuto so nervous before it made him feel oddly comfortable, “I don’t like Kuroo but I may have this crush on a guy…” he said mainly in the form of a question. 

“Did you think I’m homophobic or something? It took you this long to tell me?” Kuroo chuckled 

“I didn’t want to make anything awkward,” he said, scratching the back of his neck. 

“Would it make it even more awkward knowing I’m not straight either?” Kuroo said avoiding eye contact with Kenma who was trying to process everything. 

“REALLY?” Bokuto said with tears in his eyes. He jumped into Kuroos arms with a huge sigh of relief. “I knew we’re a bunch of gays,” Kuroo laughed and looked at Kenma who was avoiding eye contact at all costs. 

“I should get going,” Kenma muttered before turning around and walking away. He put in his ear phones and started walking home, making a detour to burn more calories. He closed his eyes, feeling a little dizzy from the conversation he just heard, Kuroo isn’t straight? That was a huge shock to him but he didn’t want to show any emotion, it might lead to wrongful thoughts on their end. His heart and stomach felt funny knowing he was one hopeful step closer to his crush actually liking him. Though the intrusive thoughts in his head wouldn’t shut the hell up. Telling him he wouldn’t ever like him even if he was the most desperate gay guy ever. He was too fat to be loved. If he even wanted a real shot at being Kuroo’s boyfriend he would need to lose at least another thirty pounds. The thought stayed with him for the rest of the night. 

“Kenma!” His mother said as he walked in the door, “you’re home so late, I made dinner and your favourite dessert!” Kenma bit his lip and smiled lightly. The smile only for a moment as his mother turned around. He sighed knowing exactly what would happen after dinner tonight. As he sat down to eat with his mom and his little sister he stared at the plate which was in front of him. The plate was full of carbs and fat with only a bit of vegetables. He started eating the vegetables, slowly, hoping it would make him full faster. His mom and sister were talking about random things she had done at school today. Kenma wasn’t listening; he was ensuring he chewed the food thoroughly so purging would be easier. He ate the green vegetables first so he knew when most the contents in his stomach were done coming back out. He made sure to avoid the carbs at all costs. His mind mentally calculating the calories that might be in the bites he took. He finished half his plate then continued pushing the food around and cutting it into smaller pieces to resemble more food was eaten. His stomach was starting to hurt. 

“I’m full,” he said pushing his plate away and acting as if he was stuffed.

His mom hummed, “The dessert is on the table if you want to cut yourself a piece,” he brought his plate of remainding food to the kitchen and scared it into the composted before cutting a slice of the warm apple pie his mom made. His mouth started to salivate, it has been a long time since he had apple pie. He sat back down at the table and looked at the pie, perfectly made. His mom always made the best apple pie. He knew he could devour the whole pie if he wanted to and was repulsed by even thinking about it. He ate a bite and sighed at how good it tasted. She still had it. He quickly ate the rest of it knowing the faster it goes in the faster he’s going to be able to get it back out. After he finished his mom laughed, “Have another piece! You know it won’t be as good tomorrow!” 

“I’m okay! I’m so full I’m going to go upstairs to digest,” he said with a smile, “thank you for dinner mom,” he ran upstairs feeling like shit. His stomach felt so stretched out from the food he ate. It was so much more than what he was used to the past few days. He walked into the bathroom and locked the door. He turned on the shower to distract from the sound and also got the water warm for a bath after he was done. He stood in front of the toilet looking hauntingly at him. He pulled his hair back out of his face and attempted to pull it into a little ponytail at the back of his head leaving the rest tucked behind his ears. He hunched over already feeling the contents of his stomach move due to the gravity. He stuck his fingers down his throat wiggling them to trigger his gag reflex. He took a few minutes of uncomfortable gagging and his fingernails scratching the back of his throat before anything came out. His eyes were full with tears as the water splashed back at his face making him gag more. After a few more minutes of having and purging he saw green in the toilet indicating the veggies which he ate first he sighed and fell to his knees flushing everything down. He grabbed some paper towels and wiped down the toilet seat. He let out a raspy sob and sat up against the wall. He felt disgusting. He was revolted by himself and his self destructive behaviours. He pulled up his sleeve revealing his fresh cuts which were covered in dry smudged blood from playing volleyball. He sighed and gargled some water before jumping into the shower. 

Once he was out he walked back to his room and changed into pyjamas before checking his phone. He had two missed texts from Kuroo. 

Kuroo: Hey man 

Kuroo: sorry if you felt uncomfortable back there it was sudden. 

Kenma: It was fine I just had to get home. 

He tossed his phone on his bed before looking at himself in the mirror. He hated what he saw. All his imperfections especially the slight double chin when his head was tilted down slightly. He sighed and looked towards his desk and his bed. He hopped on his bed and curled up in a ball before dozing off in a thirty minute nap. He heard a knock on his door and opened his eyes seeing how dark it had become outside his window, “Yeah?” 

His mom walked in with a small smile on her face. “What were you up to after school?” 

“With friends,” 

“Oh! That’s wonderful!” Kenma nodded. “Well what did you guys do?” 

“They were trying to teach me volleyball, they wanted me to join the team,” his mom looked over joyed. 

“That’s amazing Kenma! Are you going to sign up?” 

“I don’t know…” his mom nodded, understanding the struggles Kenma faces with new crowds. When he was first diagnosed with social anxiety it didn’t surprise her she always knew Kenma found it difficult to do new things and be with new people. His therapist had explained the things that bothered him most with his consent as he was too scared to tell them himself. 

“I’m proud of you,” he whispered, “you should bring your friends over sometime. You could play games on the couch, I can make them dinner,” she smiled ear to ear. 

He smiled back weakly and nodded, “they told me something today,” he said uncertain of how she might react to the fact his two friends weren’t straight. He hadn’t come out yet because of not knowing where his mother stood with the gay community. She nodded, face faltering noticing the unease in Kenmas words, “they both aren’t straight?” He said, looking at the bed sheets not daring to meet her eyes. 

It took her a few moments to respond, she let her hand rest on his shin, “How do you feel about that?” She said with an unreadable but sympathetic face. That wasn’t the response he was looking for. He wanted her opinion. Damn his therapist for telling her to ask him questions about how he felt about certain things and allowing him to speak. 

He shrugged wordlessly, hoping she would get the hint that he wanted her opinion, “well, if you’re okay with it I don’t see a problem, they’re your friends and they’re human like the rest of us. I don’t see the big deal around sexuality people fuss over these days,” she chuckled, “if it was more accepted I don’t think anyone would be one hundred percent straight,” he looked up at her, “Is there anything you want to tell me, Kenma ?” His eyes widened unsure of how to respond. She let him breathe for a bit and stayed quiet for a few minutes before speaking up again, “Okay, do you think you’re straight?” She asked a simple yes or no question. He shook his head hesitantly, “I love you Kenma,” she said in a motherly tone. His heart sank to his stomach, “I don’t care how you identify as long as you’re happy, okay?” He nodded his head and swallowed loudly. She stood up and left with a smile closing the door behind her. Kenma exhaled and grabbed his phone. 

Kuroo: Okay. I’ll see you tomorrow then? 

Kenma: Um yeah. 

Kenma: sorry to change the topic but I just told my mom something and I feel like I’m dying. 

Kuroo answered right away. 

Kuroo: Are you okay? Do you want to go on a walk or something? Talk about it? 

The fact that he responded so quickly and with so much empathy made his heart aches and realized how much he really did like this boy. Damn. 

Kenma: I don’t know my mind is just racing right now. 

Kuroo: I get that. Do you mind me asking about what it is?

Kenma bit his lip thinking of if he should tell him about his sexuality. He said fuck it and typed out a response. 

Kenma: I told her I’m bi. 

Kuroo: did everything go well?

Kenma sighed in relief from the response. He didn’t make a deal out of it he just wants to know if everything went okay. Kuroo might seem intimidating but Kenma can genuinely say he was one of the softest and sweetest souls he has met so far. Never pushing his buttons or limits and accepting Kenma for who he is without judgement. 

Kenma: yeah. It went well… it was so nerve wracking 

Kuroo: I’m proud of you! That’s a huge step! 

Kuroo: you can do anything. You’re amazing Kenma. 

Kenma blushed and dug his face in the pillow from the sweet words Kuroo was showering him in. 

Kenma: you’re amazing too. 

He hit send quickly and threw his phone across the room and took out his switch to get his mind off the butterflies in his stomach. 

A month went by, Kenma had lost a few visible pounds. He has been feeling more sluggish than usual and his head almost always hurt. He knew it was because he wasn’t eating much but he pushed the fact away lying to himself. He couldn’t concentrate in class, he was barely doing homework. All he could think about was food. He was hungry but he was getting closer to his goal weight and he couldn’t stop now. He drank green tea many times a day hoping it would make his metabolism faster and going on long walks, sometimes running if he wasn’t feeling too dizzy. 

Kuroo noticed the weight loss. It was kind of hard not to. Kuroo was worried but he never brought it up, scared it might annoy Kenma. He smelt the cigarette smoke lingering on his clothes when he came back from the ‘bathroom’. It made Kuroo sad, he wished Kenma would open up more to him. He saw the shift in mood. He would normally get more smiles out of the quiet boy but nowadays it was rare to get one. He tried pushing the thoughts away and focused on trying to make the boy happy. Goofing off more than usual and making with remarks to him to make him giggle. Kenmas giggle was Kuroos favourite sound, the shy chuckles he would emit would light up Kuroos day and make his heart explode from the overwhelming cuteness. He missed it. 

While they were walking home they said bye to Bokuto as they split ways. Kuroo was going to Kenmas house for the first time. After their last test Kuroo saw the grade Kenma got and the look of distress he had upon receiving it. He offered to go back to his house and help him study. 

When they got to his house Kenmas mom was overjoyed to see Kuroo, “Hi! You must be Kuroo! So nice to meet you,” Kuroo bowed politely and thanked her for allowing him over. She waved her hand and asked if there was anything he would like to eat. Kenma shook his head and Kuroo felt rude to ask for something if Kenma wasn’t going to have anything so he thanked her for the offer and Kenma led him up to his room. 

When Kuroo walked into the room he noticed the posters on the wall and smiled softly. He knew about how much Kenma loved video games but seeing the proof with his own eyes was something else, “sorry about the mess, I forgot to clean,” Kenma said with a blush on his face. He started picking up stray clothes and throwing them in the dirty laundry basket and offered him a seat on the unmade bed. 

“I’m the same way,” Kuroo chuckled, “my room is a pigsty,” Kenma smiled falsely which Kuroo saw right through. “So. What’s been giving you trouble in class,” 

Kenma thought for a moment sitting on the chair for his desk, “All of it,” 

Kuroo nodded, taking his text book out along with his notes and opened to last week's notes. They started reviewing the notes and Kuroo clarified anything Kenma asked. After thirty minutes Kenma got up frustrated over one concept he couldn’t grasp. The way he got up made his vision dark and stars spin. He stumbled and fell on one knee. Kuroo stood up and took his arms hoisting him up. His grip seemed too strong as Kenma whimpered from the feeling of his cuts opening up. Kuroo apologized and sat the fragile boy on the bed and sat next to him rubbing his back, “Are you okay?” Kenma nodded, closing his eyes tight and wrapping his arms around himself. “No you’re not, lay down,” Kuroo got up and guided the boy to the head of the bed. After a few minutes of silence Kenma sat up and faced Kuroo who was looking at him with worry written all over his face. 

“Sorry,” 

“Don’t apologize. Do you feel sick?” 

“No I just got up too fast,” Kenma held his head in his hands and sighed. 

“You’ve been looking a bit down lately… do you want to talk about anything?” He offered. Kenma shook his head, “I’m always here for you,” he whispered Kenma looked up with big puppy dog eyes. Kuroo couldn’t resist the urge to lean in, so he did. Kenma sucked in his breath and his eyes widened as the taller boy got closer. They made eye contact and Kuroo looked down to the boys lips before looking back up. Their stomachs flipped like a diver underwater. Kenma nodded slightly, giving Kuroo the go ahead. Their lips met and Kenma couldn’t hold back a small whimper. Kuroo adjusted his body to face the boy who clutched the blankets in his hands as hard as he could. Kuroo lifted his right hand up and cupped the boys cheek softly and ran his thumb over his cheek bone. Kenma began to feel less tense and closed his eyes as Kuroo had done a few seconds ago. They moved their lips against each other slightly. Kenma hasn’t kissed anyone before, he felt extremely out of place but has never felt more safe than he does now. Kuroo pulled back and opened his eyes. He looked down at Kenmas shiny lips and licked his own. Wow. He adored the boy. His face was extremely red and he felt the heat from his cheeks radiating into his hand. Kenmas eyes were still shut and lips slightly ajar. They both felt as if everything was moving in slow motion. 

When Kenma opened his eyes a few seconds later Kuroo removed his hand and looked away shyly, “Sorry I- couldn’t help myself,” he said standing up from the bed. Kenma could barely breathe. The air felt thick, he nibbled on his lip slightly. 

“Wait,” he choked out, “stay?” He motioned to the room beside him on the bed. Kenma scooted over to give him more room. Kuroo smiled and sat down next to him. They sat in comfortable silence, the two of them not knowing what to say. 

Kenmas mother knocked on the door making the two of them look at the door with wide eyes. She walked in with a plate of assorted fruits and smiled, “you two must be hungry,” 

“Thank you Mrs Kozume,” Kuroo said sweetly while Kozume Kenma looked at the boy with a soft smile.  
She nodded and left the food on the desk before scurrying out the door closing it behind her. 

“I love watermelon,” Kuroo said, picking up the slice and shoving it in his mouth. Kenma smiled as he watched the boy drip all over his shirt and chuckled. “Do you want anything? Pineapple? Watermelon?” Kenma shook his head, “another kiss?” He smiled and shoved his face in his hands. Making Kuroo’s heart explode at the cuteness. He suddenly felt Kenma nudge him with his shoulder shyly. “Do you want to be my boyfriend?” Kuroo asked quickly, embarrassed. 

He looked over to Kenma who had his arms wrapped around his body. He nodded slightly biting back a smile. He was finally skinny enough to get the attention of his crush, well, boyfriend now.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Perhaps I accidentally added smut at the end so uH yeah there’s that.

The next day at school the two decided they wanted to keep hush about their status. Bokuto was struggling with his own boy problems and they didn’t want him to feel jealous or anything. “Hey Boku,” Kuroo said, walking towards the boy who sat alone at his desk. 

“Hey guys,” he sighed, they sat next to him and knew he wanted to rant so they stayed quiet, “how am I supposed to know if Akaashi likes me back when I don’t even know if he’s gay or bi or whatever,” he grunted falling dramatically onto Kuroos shoulder. Kuroo pushed him off and chuckled, “don’t laugh. I'm having a crisis. How did Sugawra, Daichi, Asahi and Nishinoya ALL get in a relationship together and I can’t get one boy!” 

Kenma turned to him in shock. He had no clue what couple or quadruple? He was talking about, Kuroo saw his look of confusion, “They’re on our volleyball team they have an interesting relationship. Not everyone knows about it except for us really. Suga, Daichi and Asahi are in a relationship and Nishinoya is dating Asahi,” he shrugged. Kenma looked even more confused, Kuroo chuckled and put a hand on his thigh under the desk, “it’s all consensual, the three know that Asahi and Nishinoya are dating but Nishinoya only loves Asahi so technically he’s only dating him while the other three all like each other,” 

“Interesting,” Kenma said quietly, now only thinking about the big warm hand laying on his thigh. 

“We should ask them to come hang out with us during lunch today, what do you think?” Kuroo asked Kenma knowing it might be difficult for him to jump into a big group at once. Kenma shrugged before Kuroo squeezed his thigh slightly and pulled his hand away. “Well Bokuto,” he said turning his attention to the sulking boy, “does he know you’re bi?” 

“I don’t think so… He’s cool about the second years and doesn’t care that they’re a bunch of homos,” Kuroo nodded knowing that as well, “Can you be my wingman?” Bokuto looked at him with puppy dog eyes. 

“Yeah yeah I’ll try at practice today,” Kuroo laughed. The teacher walked in and class started. 

The classes leading up to lunch were long to Kenma, he kept thinking about meeting four new people and how he was going to act. Kuroo must have noticed his tense and uneasy aura because he leaned over and whispered in his ears, “Just relax, okay?” Kenma nodded slightly. When the bell rang Bokuto ran out the door to where the second years were and brought the four of them back to their lunch table. Kuroo sat next to Kenma who was shaking his leg in anticipation. Bokuto sat next to Kuroo when the four new guys sat across from them. “Hey guys,” Kuroo said cheerfully, “this is Kenma,” Kenma nodded at the guys, “this is Suga,” Kuroo motioned to the gray haired boy with a pleasant smile on his face, “Daichi,” The black haired boy who stood next to Suga nodded and smiled. “Asahi, and Nishinoya,” The taller guy with long hair gave a timid smile and patted Nishinoya on the shoulder. 

“Hi!” The boy with a blond streak in his hair smiled brightly sitting down in front of Kenma. 

“We tried recruiting Kenma on our team but he’s still on the fence about it,” Bokuto said matter of factly.

Daichi smiled and sat down, “You should join! You still have a few days if you want to before they close down the new recruitment period,” 

Suga nodded, “Maybe you could come see us practice after school and think about it! Maybe toss a few balls and see how you feel?” 

Kuroo looked at the boy who was struggling to maintain eye contact with them. He nudged him slightly making him look up to him and lock eyes. Kuroos heart melted at the innocent face he was given, “okay,” Kenma said, finding strength in his boyfriend's gaze. 

As lunch went by Kuroo noticed Kenma wasn’t eating anything at all. Normally he would have a fruit at least but today he had nothing but gum. He gave the boy his goldfish crackers only to have a shake of his head in return, “aren’t you hungry?” Kuroo whispered not wanting the attention turned to Kenma. He shook his head once again and Kuroo pouted. 

At the end of the day they all met up in the gym. The gym was big and had two volleyball nets in the middle of the floor. He walked to the side of the gym and sat down against the wall. Kuroo and Bokuto were passing the ball back and forth while the second years entered the gym laughing with each other. A few minutes passed of stretching and warm ups before another guy walked in and tossed his backpack to the side of the gym. He took off his jacket and started jogging around the gym. Kenma noticed Kuroo nudged Bokuto while wiggling his eyebrows. He immediately assumed it was Akaashi, the one Bokuto had a crush on. 

Kuroo ran beside Akaashi engaging in conversation. Kenma could only assume he was trying to be a wingman and he smiled to himself. 

During practice Kenma watched the boys as they practiced spikes, serving and receiving. He rejected the proposal of trying some drills that Suga brought up. He felt more comfortable watching. Near the end of their practice they had a three on three scrimmage. He couldn’t keep his eyes off of Kuroo, he didn’t know he was so good. 

After practice and they cleaned up the gym Kuroo asked Kenma if he wanted to go to his house. Kenma nodded and they walked to the bus stop. “I don’t have money for the bus,” Kenma said, secretly wanting to walk. 

“I’ll pay for you,” Kuroo said, pulling out some spare change. 

“You don’t want to walk?” Kenma said, biting his lip lightly. 

“I’m tired,” Kuroo whined cutely. Kenma felt his stomach turn and anxiety rising up the back of his neck. He had breakfast this morning, it wasn’t much but he hasn’t had breakfast in a long time so he wanted to skip lunch and walk off the calories. But Kuroos pouty eyes made his knees crumble and he couldn’t debate with him. The bus pulled up a few minutes later and they took two seats from the back. Kenma leaned into Kuroo and rested his head on his shoulder as he went on his phone, “I didn’t really think you’d be the cuddly type Kenma,” Kuro said teasingly. Kenma tensed and started to lift his head off his shoulder and mumble an apology, “No, I like it,” he said, quickly pulling Kenma back onto his shoulder. Kenma blushed and smiled softly. 

They got off the bus ten minutes later and walked the short distance to Kuroos house. As they reached the house Kenma was in awe from how big the house was. He wasn’t expecting Kuroos family to be that wealthy. He knew he was well off but this was way more than expected. Kuroo chuckled at the expression and took the smaller boy's hand in his own, pulling him inside. 

Kenma took his shoes off and followed Kuroo into the beautiful kitchen which was probably two times the size of his own. “I’m gonna make us grilled cheese, okay?” Kuroo said, opening the fridge door, “Did you want ham on yours?” 

“Oh I’m not-“ 

“You haven’t eaten all day, you must be hungry,” Kuroo said, not allowing him to reject. Kenma looked down at his feet, “do you want to tell me anything?” Kuroo said sitting on the kitchen counter facing the boy. 

“What? No?” Kenma said, confused as to what he was referring to. Kuroo rolled his eyes passively. Kuroo hummed before making the grilled cheese. Kuroo made one grilled cheese with ham and one without. He put them on a plate and brought them upstairs to his room, Kenma following closely behind. 

They sat in silence as Kuroo ate the grilled cheese with ham, “try some, it’s good cheese,” He said pushing the plate towards Kenma who was staring at it with his mouth filling with saliva. He was really hungry, “do you have an eating disorder or something?” Kuroo said bluntly. Kenma looked up at him quickly with wide eyes. 

“Wha,” 

“My older sister has one. She’s anorexic, you act a lot like her around food,” he said wiping his mouth. Kenma stares quietly at the bed. Intrusive thoughts telling him that Kuroo thinks he’s dumb, “I’ll admit, I don’t know much about it. I didn’t really think guys got it but I guess that’s pretty close minded of me,” Kenma felt very uncomfortable. His throat was closing up and his heart was racing. “Sorry for being so blunt. I just care for your health. Thinking about you falling over that day really was concerning,” Kenma shifted, wrapping arms around himself, “You’re really thin…” he continued making Kenma want to run away, can he stop talking for once? “You don’t need to starve yourself to stay that thin, you could gain a few pounds you know,” 

“Kuroo shut up,” Kenma said, he stood up and walked out the door, trying to find the washroom. 

Kuroo rolled his eyes to himself muttering that he himself was dumb for saying that and stood up to go talk to Kenma, “okay wait. I’m sorry that was insensitive,” he saw Kenma turn to him with tears in his eyes, “wait no don’t cry I’m- can we just- come back to the room okay?” Kenma reluctantly pushed past him and sat on the bed. “I just want you to know I care about you,” 

“Then why are you talking like you know everything about me?” Kenma raised his voice. Kuroo stood in shock, he had never heard Kenma sound so annoyed and mad. Shit. “You don’t know shit Kuroo,” Kenma said, turning away. 

“Okay don’t cry just-“ 

“Don’t tell me what to do Kuroo, don’t tell me to eat, don't act like you know what’s best for me,” Kuroo raised his hands in défense. 

“Then tell me,” Kuroo said softly, “I want to help,” 

“You can’t help me! Okay? What do you want me to say huh? I’m a depressed loser who- who starves himself and throws up everything he eats because he doesn’t think he’s good enough for you? That he has an impulse to slice his skin open? Is that what you want me to say?” Kuroos eyes widened and he stood in shock. Kenma had tears flowing down his face, “you don’t understand shit okay? You have a perfect house, a perfect life, you’re always so happy! You can talk to anyone,” 

“Kenma-“

“No Kuroo stop, I’m walking home,” Kenma stood up only to black out. 

When he opened his eyes he saw Kuroo crying softly holding a cold cloth to his forehead. He realized he was only wearing the shirt he was wearing under his hoodie and he turned to face the wall pushing Kuroos hand away. “Kenma,” he ignored him and started sobbing gently, he curled up in a ball hiding his bare forearms from Kuroo. “I didn’t want it to get like this. My sister was admitted to the hospital a few months back. I’m worried about you,” he said weakly. They stayed quiet for several minutes, neither of them saying a word. Kuroo was listening to the small sobs Kenma was letting out which broke his heart in two. 

After a while Kenma stopped crying and sat up, hugging his knees. Kuroo looked at him and made note of the sad face and red eyes. He wished he could take the boy's pain away, “Can I have my sweater?” Kenma whispered, feeling too exposed. Kuroo bent over and picked up the sweater which was discarded on the ground. Kenma took it and put it on resuming his position.

“Can we talk about it? I will listen,” Kuroo said, putting a hand on his knee.

Kenma spoke, “No one knows. I started self-harming five years ago and skipping meals around the same time,” he sighed shakily, “my eating only got worse recently,” 

“What was it that you said earlier? You don’t think you’re enough for me? Or something crazy like that?” 

“I shouldn’t have said that I’m sorry,” Kenma said sadly and hid his face. 

“Why wouldn’t you be enough for me? I like you how you are,” Kuroo said shrugging, “if anything you could gain weight. No sorry, I shouldn’t have said that,” he shook his head. His best bet was just to stop making remarks about Kenmas body, too big or too small he honestly didn’t give a shit. Kenma would be beautiful no matter what weight he was at. “Just like hit me if I ever say something insensitive okay?” Kenma looked up and rested his chin on his knees. 

“I started liking you a few months ago and I couldn’t stop thinking I needed to lose thirty pounds to get you to like me back,” he admitted. The words felt dumb coming out of his mouth and he regretted saying them instantly. 

“Kenma,” Kuroo said sadly he scooted next to him and pulled him in between his legs hugging the small boy tightly, “please don’t ever think that,” Kuroo played with his hair slightly. Kenma melted into the hug, his grip tight but not tight enough to suffocate him. The warmth of Kuroos embrace made Kenma feel safe, he was safe. He tucked his head in the crook of Kuroos neck and snuggled deeper into the hug, “I liked you since a long time ago, I saw your weightloss and it worried me. You can barely stand up without losing your balance, I never see those cute chipmunk cheeks when you have food in your mouth. Your smile hasn’t been as present, and man do I love your smile. It hurts to see you like this,” 

“I’m sorry,” Kenma sighed. The breath was warm and Kuroos neck, giving him chills. “I’m such a burden you don’t deserve this baggage,” Kuroo hushed him and rubbed his back comfortingly. Kuroos heart broke hearing everything Kenma said, he was the reason he stopped eating drastically. 

Over the next few weeks Kuroo has been trying to help Kenma in recovery. He didn’t really know what to do or how to help so he spent most of his nights researching everything he could about anorexia and bulimia. He learnt so much over the past weeks and picked up on some of Kenmas little habits he never would’ve thought twice about. Of course Kenma was still sick and didn’t want to get better thinking he wasn’t good enough or worth getting better. It led to a few fights between the two ending in deep kisses from Kuroo trying to prove to him how much he meant to him. 

Kuroo read that the first step of recovery is that the person must want to get better. He mentioned it to Kenma who rolled his eyes and ignored him, “I’m fine Kuroo I don’t need your help,” this led Kuroo giving up slightly, his mood has been low thinking about Kenma constantly. Sure his mind was on Kenma a lot even before he found out but since trying to help him and getting rejected and brushed off all he could think of was bad things happening. The anxiety started to kick in whenever he saw Kenma having a bad day and rejecting food. When he wasn’t getting worked up over his boyfriend's health he was thinking about how he could be a better boyfriend and how to help him. It consumed his thoughts. Worried Kenma might do something he regretted. 

“Yo Kuroo, you spaced out for a bit,” Bokuto said, waving his hand in front of his face. Kuroo looked up at him and shrugged apologizing, “dude what’s up with you. You’ve been actin weird lately,” 

Kuroo sighed, he had to get all of this off his chest, he’s the only one who knew. He told Kenma he wasn’t a burden but he didn’t understand at the time how much this affected him. Kenma wasn’t at school today and he hasn’t gotten a text or anything, he couldn’t help but to worry. “Can I talk to you about something?” He asked Bokuto, needing to get it off his chest. 

“Anything man,” Bokuto mumbles shoving food in his mouth. Akaashi, Bokutos new boyfriend, sitting beside him smiled awkwardly asking if he should leave. 

“Um if you don’t mind…” Kuroo said awkwardly. Akaashi nodded and took his food to a different table. “Okay so, I haven’t told you but Kenma and I started dating a while ago,” Bokuto choked on the food he was eating, “Yeah yeah sorry for not telling you,” before Bokuto could make a remark he continued, “well he’s going through something and it’s hard to see him so upset and I don’t know what to do. All I can think about is him being sad and doing… what he has been doing and it- it’s so fucking frustrating not being able to do anything. I feel like my head is going to explode. I can’t concentrate on anything,” 

Bokuto nodded, “all right well, what’s going on with him?”

“I don’t know if I should say…” 

“I won’t tell him,” 

“I know- urgh okay. He has an eating disorder and self harms,” Kuroo said with a look of distress. 

“Okay well since I’ve had experience with the self harm shit I might be able to help. I don’t know much about eating disorders, just tell him to eat more?” 

“I have been, he tells me it’s not that easy,” Kuroo shrugged, “food gives him mad anxiety so when he eats he either has to like burn off the calories or… yknow, like throw it up,” 

Bokuto cringed but tried not showing it too much. “Tell him to start eating a bit of food and, like steadily increase?” Kuroo looked down at his food and shrugged, “okay well for the self harm shit tell him to think about what led up to the moment he felt he needed to, write it down instead of hurting himself. Once he’s done that a few times he can see his triggers or whatever and have a better understanding of his emotions and shit. If he cuts tell him to throw what he uses away or give them to you or something so he doesn’t have that option available and he won’t be able to access it and do it impulsively. Give him some things to do when he feels the need to hurt himself to distract him or tell him to text you so you can distract him. Send him nudes or something,” Kuroo blushed and hit him. “Dude when I was quitting it was hard, but you know what I did to distract myself? Something was always Hard if you catch my drift,” Bokuto winked and laughed. 

“Of course, that’s where your little porn addiction came from,” Bokuto shook his tongue out mockingly, “but lowkey I would, I just don’t want to move too fast for him. But damn do I want too,” Kuroo gazes away having unholy thoughts while Bokuto just laughed and attempted to wink, which he couldn’t do very well at all. 

“So when did this all happen and why haven’t you told me?” 

“Uh, a few weeks ago?” 

Bokuto sat there with a blank look on his face staring intensely into Kuroos eyes, “You’re a dick,” 

“Fuck off,” he laughed, “I didn’t want Kenma to be uncomfortable you know how timid he is,” 

“Awe you’re like his big strong boyfriend. I love that dynamic,” Kuroo laughed and rolled his eyes. 

The day passed by slowly as Kuroo was sneaking his phone into class trying to see if Kenma would text back which he hasn’t. He sighed and started to walk home when his phone started ringing. He picked it up quickly seeing Kenmas name and picture pop up on his phone, “Kenma where have you been?” 

He heard a little sniffle on the other end of the phone, “I’m at the hospital. My moms with me…”

“What? I’m coming right now, okay? Are you okay? Do you want me to bring you anything?” 

“Just a hug,” Kenma said softly. 

Kuroo nodded, “one hug coming right up, give me fifteen minutes,” he hung up and jumped on the bus heading to the hospital. The anxiety bubbled in his stomach. God why wasn’t he there for him? Was it the cutting? Did he try to kill himself? Maybe he passed out? His mind was racing with possibilities. When the bus finally stopped in front of the hospital he jogged through the doors and looked for the receptionist, “I’m here for Kozume, Kenma” he said, breathing a bit ragged. The receptionist typed on her keyboard before handing him a visitor tag and telling him the room he was being held in. He rushed up to the second floor and found the room in a few seconds. When he walked in he saw Kenma look up to him and smiled weakly. He looked pale and had a tube going down his nose. He was hooked up to an IV and had bandages on his arms. Kuroo took in a sharp breath and hugged the boy as well as he could on a hospital bed. 

“I’ll leave you too alone for a bit,” Mrs Kozume said standing up and patting Kuroo on the back. 

“Kenma… what happened?” He pulled a chair next to the bed and sat down. 

“I’m sorry you have to see me like this Kuroo,” Kuroo shook his head and shushed him. He brought his hand up to his hair and moved a piece of his dyed blonde hair back to see his face better, “I woke up today and my mom had made pancakes. I felt rude to not have some so I had a pancake but then I purged. I felt like shit and I hated myself for purging so I started self harming. I don’t know why I chose to do it in the morning, I just couldn’t help myself…” he hung his head low avoiding eye contact, “I cut deeper than usual and started feeling faint… I went downstairs to tell my mom I wasn’t feeling well but I didn’t make it down the stairs before I fainted…” Kuroo felt his bottom lip shake. He wanted to stay strong for him but seeing him so frail and vulnerable was so hard, “my mom heard me fall and panicked as she saw the blood and- well called an ambulance,” Kuroo sighed, “I’m sorry,” Kenma raised his hand and touched Kuroos face. 

Kuroo grabbed his wrist and kissed his hand, “I’m glad you’re here, you’re in good hands,” 

“I had to tell my mom everything. The doctors noticed how thin I guess they think I am and tubed me,” he exhaled slowly, “it’s so uncomfortable,” he said tears streaming down his pale face. He looked as if a single touch would make him fall apart, “2500 calories are in this thing and I can’t- I hate it. I want it gone,” Kuroo nodded his head sadly. He understood now the fear of calories Kenma had. He had seen the journal he kept noting the food he ate and how many calories he had consumed. 

“Can I kiss you?” He asked weakly. Kenma nodded sadly. Kuroo leaned down and pressed a soft and gentle kiss to his lips. It only lasted a few seconds but it made both of them a little bit better and Kuroo gave him a weak smile combing his fingers through his hair, “I like you a lot Kenma,” 

“I like you a lot too Kuroo,” 

“It hurts seeing you like this,” Kenma nodded slightly. 

“I’m going to get better. Please don’t leave me,” he begged quietly. 

“I would never,” he said before kissing his forehead. 

A few moments later the doctor and Kenmas mom walked in and smiled softly. They asked Kenma if it was okay for Kuroo to stay in the room while they discussed the next steps. Kenma nodded and the doctor took the stage. “Your mother has decided to admit you to an inpatient recovery program not too far from here. We deemed you not well enough to go home given the circumstances, your mother agreed this would be the best option for you and recovery. Since you are a minor still your mother has full custody over you for the time being. You’ll stay here until paperwork is filed for your release and you finish the feeding given by the feeding tube. You will be able to go home and pack for your program which will begin in a few days. Do you have any questions?” Kenma whimpered and shook his head. 

Kuroo looked at Kenma and frowned, an inpatient program? He can’t imagine the anxiety Kenma must be feeling right now. The doctor left and shut the door behind the three who sat there quietly. Kuroo grabbed Kenmas hand and rubbed the back of it softly. He tried to comfort him the best he could with his mom sitting across from them, “I told her about us too,” Kenma muttered. Kuroo nodded and looked awkwardly at his mom feeling less comfortable knowing that which was probably the opposite of why Kenma told him. 

“You seem like a very nice man Kuroo, I’m glad you’re here with him,” Kuroo nodded and held his head down looking at the hand he held and gave it a small squeeze.

“Are you nervous?” Kuroo asked quietly. Kenma nodded in response. “I’ll keep you up to date with school if you want?” Kenma chuckled. 

Kenma was released that night and Kuroo stayed the whole time by his side. “Did you want to stay the night Kuroo?” Kenmas mother asked as they all hauled into the car. Kuroo looked to Kenma who gave him a smile indicating it was up to him. 

“If you don’t mind I would love to keep Kenma company,”

“I’m sure Kenma would love that,” she smiled into the rear view mirror, “did you want to swing by your house to pick up some clothes? I don’t think Kenma has anything you would fit into,” She said, chuckling, not noticing Kenmas uncomfortable expression. Kuroo gave her his address and they drove to his house to quickly to pick up some clothes. Luckily it was Friday so he didn’t have school in the morning. When they arrived at Kenmas house Kuroo made sure to help him out of the car given how weak and sluggish he felt. They sat down for a late dinner with Kenmas little sister who was obviously uncomfortable and didn’t know what to say about anything. Kenma was struggling to eat everything on his plate and Kuroo noticed. He gave the boy a squeeze on the leg. He was happy that he was trying even after being tubed which must have made this meal even harder to eat.

Kenma knew he was going to have to force himself to eat starting in a few days so he pushed himself to start early. Consciously he didn’t want to get better, he felt he wasn’t thin enough. But seeing the happy face his mother was putting on seeing her boy eat was enough encouragement to try. Especially having his amazing, caring boyfriend by his side. 

They stalked up to Kenmas room after dinner, kuro walking behind him worried he might fall or something. They sat on his bed and Kuroo kissed him deeply. Kenma squeaked at the sudden hunger Kuroo had but melted into it anyway. Kenma pushed him away slightly getting up from his bed and opening his drawer for his pyjamas, “can you turn around please,” he asked with a smirk.

Kuroo grinned and shook his head, “but you’re so sexy,” he teased giving him a wink. 

Kenma rolled his eyes, “I feel disgusting,” 

“Never!” Kuroo said standing up and hugging the boy.

“You’re clingy, stop,” Kenma said jokingly, pushing the boy away. 

Kuroo pouted and sat on the bed facing Kenma, “give me a show,” he smirked. 

“I’m about to give you a black eye,” 

Kuroo gasped dramatically, “you would never hurt me,” 

“I don’t think you want to test that theory,” Kenma smiled. Kuroo turned away reluctantly and let Kenma change in peace. Once he was done he sat on his bed as Kuroo got up and started taking his clothes off, “don’t you want me to turn around?” Kenma said shyly. 

“I wanna give you something to remember me by when you go away for a little bit,” Kuroo licked his lips seductively. 

“Kuroo,” Kenma whined, his face started heating up. 

Kuroo was left in his boxers and he climbed on top of Kenma and kissed him again. A soft kiss turned quickly into a needy make out session. Kenma pulled away breathlessly, “you’re making me go crazy,” Kuroo said straddling the smaller boy who lay down his head on his pillow and covered his face with his hands. Kuroo moved his hands and started kissing Kenmas neck softly. He nibbled on the skin slightly making Kenma whimper beneath him. He sat up and stared at him with a smile, “you’re beautiful Kenma. So beautiful,” he said peppering his face with tiny kisses making Kenma feel loved and appreciated. “Can I give you one more thing to remember me by?” Kenma looked up at his face with a look of innocent curiosity. “Can I suck you off?” Kuroo asked bluntly. 

Kenmas was sure his face was beat read by now and he felt the tent in his pants growing bigger by the second. Kenma nodded slowly and Kuroo shot his arms in the air in victory and looked down at the tent in Kenmas pants. God he was just perfect wasn’t he? 

Kuroo scooted down and grabbed Kenmas hips rubbing his fingers against the seams of his pants, “tell me if you want me to stop okay? Anytime,” he said, his eyes scanning over the smaller boys pants, “god I’ve been wanting to do this for so long,” he brushed his hand over the bulge making Kenma jerk his hips unwillingly and cover his face once again, “you’re so cute, kitten,” 

“Oh god,” Kenma whispered. It was the first time Kuroo used a pet name and he would be lying if he said it wasn’t affecting him big time. Kuroo smirked and leaned down, spreading Kenmas thighs a little bit further apart. He kissed Kenmas bulge softly over his pants before pulling on the seams of the pants just below his hips. His dick sprung out and rested on his clothed stomach. Kuroo hummed, enjoying the view of his shy embarrassed boyfriend and his cute cock in front of him. Kuroo caressed it gently, fingers going up and down the base of his dick. 

“You make me so hard, kitten. You’re already leaking for me,” Kuroo said before grasping the base of his cock and stroking it slowly, precum dripping from the tip. Kenma couldn’t handle it and grabbed a pillow from beside him covering his face and biting down on it hard, letting out a barely audible moan, “Someday I’ll get this house empty so I can hear all your pretty moans without a pillow,” he chuckled. He gave one big lick from the base to the tip before swirling his tongue around the tip and wrapping his lips around the head. The saltiness of the pre come made him moan. The vibrations from the moan made Kenma internally scream and whimper pathetically into the pillow he held tight to his face. Kuroo bobbed his head slowly at first getting used to the feeling of the dick in his mouth. It wasn’t Kuroos first time sucking someone off but it has been a long time since he’s done it last. 

“I- Kuroo! I ca-”

Kuroo sucked hard and pulled off with a pop, “What was that kitten? Can you use your words? Or do you just wanna scream my name?” Kenma felt his soul leave his body. Kuroo chuckled and went right back to sucking his dick which was throbbing in his hand. He focused on the head with his tongue swirling it around like a lollipop as he moved his hand up and down his shaft at a steady pace and rhythm. It only took a few more minutes before Kenma bucked his hips and came right into Kuroos mouth. Kuroo pulled off breathless and stroked Kenmas cock a few more times before he was shaking and whining, “God you’re amazing Kenma,” he said, pulling his waist band back up and pulling the pillow away from his face. Kenma couldn’t make eye contact, his face was flushed very visibly red and he bit his lip nervously.

“Sorry I didn’t warn you,” 

“Don’t apologize I loved feeling you come in my mouth, feeling it drip down my throat,” Kuroo said teasingly. Kenma pushed him away shyly, “come on give me a kiss kitten,” 

“Kuroo,” Kenma whined, finally making eye contact. Kuroo smirked and kissed his cheek before he stood up and headed to the washroom to finish himself off, “wait, do you want me to?” Kenma said, gesturing to the tent in his boxers. 

“Tonight was about you kitten, I’ve got enough wanking material in here,” he pointed to his head, “to finish this off,” he sent him a wink and closed the door behind him. 

Kenma sighed and stared at his ceiling with the biggest smile he’s had in ages. How did he get so lucky? Kuroo came back a few minutes later and hopped into the bed pulling Kenma onto his side and played with his hair until they both fell asleep. 

Kuroo stayed over the whole weekend hoping to ease Kenmas mind before having to go to the inpatient treatment centre. Sunday night Kenma had a big panic attack which Kuroo stayed through and never once left his side. 

Monday morning Kenma packed his things and Kuroo drove with them to the centre where they said bye with a parting kiss and Kuroo told him he would come visit him as soon as he could. 

Kenma never thought he would find someone, somewhere out there who would be with him regardless of his burdens. He never felt so lucky despite the hardships that were coming his way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope ya liked it might make a spin off in the treatment centre if anyone really wants, but I doubt this fic will get any attention so lol

**Author's Note:**

> There’s gonna be one more chapter it might be pretty angsts ngl you can just stop here if you got your fill but like there’s gonna be some fluff in the next chapter as well


End file.
